puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
