So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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