my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
