last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it's like heaven, but drunker
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
