ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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