She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
