I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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