so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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