Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
