I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
