Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
