stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
