she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
