I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
