Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
