shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
