She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
