First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
