YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
