Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
