U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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