Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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