i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
