Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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