i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
