how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
