My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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