how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
