Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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