we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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