How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
