Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
