Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
