I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
