At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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