I wish I could punch you in the face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
