Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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