I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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