So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
