Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
