Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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