In the future we'll all be gay
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
