After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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