how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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