Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
