If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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