I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
