Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
