you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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