i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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