Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
