My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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