i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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