thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
