You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
