Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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