Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
