Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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